Goodnight, Light

Goodnight, Light

A whisper, a smile
A thought, a prayer

A spark to start a fire
A wind to carry the flame

Spreading, consuming
Devouring.

Scorch the earth
Blaze with fury

Ashen remains
Blackened void.

Passion,
Burning passion
You consumed
You devoured

I am a man burned.
Burned again.

Thrice, sparks ignited.
Thrice, inferno raged.
Thrice, fiery death scourged the land.

Thrice, I have look to the heavens for relief.

Merciful God,
Where hast Thou been?
Why hast Thou withheld the rains?
Did Thy hands not fills the oceans with every drop?
Did Thy hands not fill the earth in judgement?
And part the seas in mercy?
Did Thy Son not calms the seas and walk on the waves?
Why then hast Thou kept even a drop from my tongue?

O' Lord
Where are you in my time of need?
Where is my rescue?

Have I not been faithful in trusting you?
Have I not delivered my concerns to you?

Yet, here I stand alone.

The light you placed with in me,
It sputters.
No tinder remains to keep it lit.
For that was consumed.

What shall I do?
Fall to my knees? Confess some hidden sin?
Read a passage of the Word? Sing a song of praise?

How can I?

I trusted you as I began to entrust my heart to another?
But I have been played the fool. Again.

Again, Again, Again.

Goodnight, Light.
You once were bright
Now you fight,
Fight for life.

Goodnight, Light.

Hopeless

Life, at times, seems very hopeless. A feeling of hopelessness has crept into my life over the last week or so. After all, a lot of things have been going very badly. I've been sick, been struggling with a bit of loneliness, been unhappy with being immobile (stupid car). Not only that, but there has been a family member who in the hospital with a very serious condition. It has really be a trying time.

Tonight, things got a little more rough.  One of the students that I mentor through Young Life came over, and we had a discussion about his life. The gist of the conversation was in regards to sense of no hope in life. I can't go into much details about what was said, but it truly broke my heart. To see him start to cry because he live a life like everyone else, destroyed me! I had to keep back from bawling my eyes. I love this guy like a little brother. Seeing him suffer causes me to suffer with him.

He went on to talk about how he felt that sometimes God was distant.  I think we all have these moments. For most, it goes a little like this:

"God, I didn't get X! Where are you?"

Sadly, I have heard that many times in my life. I have even said it a few times. How spoiled and foolish to think that God doesn't love us because we don't get what we want. Imagine a child questioning whether their parent loved them, because the parent gave them vegetables instead of sweets. It is the same reasoning, really.

My friend, however, wasn't having this type of moment. It was a genuine cry out. "Everything is falling apart. I can't see the light. God, where are you?"

I don't think it is coincidental that all of this lined with today and this weekend. We know the story of Christ's crucifixion. He was killed for our sins, an rose again. The end. But we also miss so much of the human experience that happened at the same time. I fully believe that Mary, Peter, John, Thomas, etc all had this moment of hopelessness. Not just a moment, but days of hopelessness. Mary watched her beloved son beat, and killed. How much more hopeless can you get than to be a parent watching your child being killed, and not being able to do anything about it? I can't even imagine the pain, the agony! That is a moment of hopelessness.

The disciples spent 3 years of their lives with Jesus. They gave up everything to follow him. They grew to see him as a mentor, a friend, a companion, and as their Lord. They believed with their whole hearts that he was going to change the world, and bring them something wonderful. Yet, they scattered in fear and disbelief as their master and friend was killed. They hid, not sure what to think or what to do next. They only knew that the only thing that mattered to them, was now dead. They had nothing left to hope for. Absolutely nothing.

Yet, we know this all changed. Something amazing happened. It wasn't just that a man came back from the dead. It was that they realized that God truly does keep His word. They realized that their hope had been placed in something which was temporary. Yet, when Christ arose, they realized that they had limited vision prior. It was such a revelation that they ended up being a force unlike what has been seen on the earth. The boldly went about preaching, healing, and living the life that Christ taught to them. Why? Not because it is a happy, feel good message. No, there is hope in Christ. There is ONLY hope in Christ. Christ is the only hope. There was no hope in the earthly kingdom they imagined him bringing. There was no hope in the powers they imagined they would acquire. There was no hope in riches, or fame. No hope in theology or government.

No, there was only hope in Christ then. There is only hope in Christ now. There will only ever be hope in Christ, ever.

Outside of the work of Christ on the Cross and His victorious Resurrection, there is absolutely no hope. And sadly, most people will never know this hope. They move from temporary thing to temporary thing, trying to find something new to give them hope. They are like locusts moving from field to field, to feed. In the end, there are no more fields to feed on.

Yet, those of us in Christ will never go hungry. We will never have to go to another field. No, we are not like locusts at all. Christ is our only Hope. We need nothing else.


I hope my friend will learn this lesson from my example. I pray to God that I can show Him how Jesus is far more superior than what he believes he is missing out on. I pray that he, and others, will see the futility of trusting and hoping in the perishable things of life, and cling to the everlasting hope of a victorious Savior.

Happy Easter.

Via Dolorosa

The Way of Grief

A path I have trekked many times in my life

My footprints litter the ground before me.

My first steps were from walking along the crowd

Focused on the show,

But never seeing what it was all about.

Unaware that every step

Takes me closer to the end.

Kyrie Eleison,

Lord have mercy on me!

A sinner unaware of the path he stumbles down!

Another set of prints in the dust

Mark a life of mockery

A man no longer content with walking

I lead the way, in front of the Christ

Sprinting towards demise

Spewing hatred and lies

The cross He bears,

It is engraved with my name.

I run towards perdition and darkness

Free of care

Full of wickedness

Unaware that he carries that which belongs to me.

As I run faster towards the end

I hear a whisper in the end

My name echoes throughout the narrow passage ways

Along the Way of Sorrows.

I turn and see Him reaching his hand out

Begging me to slow down

"Stop! Before you reach the end.

Wait! Before you break my heart!

You don't know where you are going"

Taunting turns to silence

Who is this man?

Why does he warn me of the danger ahead?

Did I not mock Him? Did I not curse Him?

I stand back,

Letting him pass.

As He walks by,

I see destiny engraved in the wood

Splinters broke his skin,

blood and sweat smeared the tree

Yet, I saw it clearly marked.

My name etched deep into the wood

Crimson stained.

He carried that which was mine.

Dread and sorrow grip me

Legs too weak to hold me any longer

I drop down to the dry, coarse dust beneath me

The sky above me is clear

The sounds of the crowd slip away

Looking up, I realize what is happening

An innocent man is being charged with my crimes.

Why? Why does He carry it for me?

Do they know they have the wrong man?

Should I man up and take back my what I own?

Or should I run away. Another man is taking my punishment.

I am free to go! I can go continue to live how I want!

I pick myself up and dust off,

Turning to walk away a soldier stops me

"Where do you think you are going?

You will help the criminal carry His cross"

"No! You cannot make me!" My reply shouts back

I attempt to escape, but am quickly subdued.

They carry me to the man Jesus,

Telling me to help Him up.

And now I am helping a man bear the burden that I solely deserve.

I am helping him walk towards His death.

MY death.

The death that I should taste.

Yet, he doesn't speak of word of accusation towards me.

He just grunts as we load the cross on our backs.

I look at him in the face,

Bloodied and bruised.

A foul stench escapes from his wounds

The heat bears down on us

and the dust dries our throats.

I wish to speak to him

But even air has trouble escaping my mouth.

He looks back to me, then past me.

I turn my head and see a woman in mourning.

Grief flows from her heart.

Her beloved son, treated as a criminal

Flesh ripped open for the trespasses of another man.

Where is the justice, in condemning this woman's son?

Guilt and accusations barrage my heart

"This should be me" I whisper to myself.

What have I done?

What am I doing?

How can I allow us to get closer to the end?

A hill rises before us,

The city fades behind.

Mere steps separate us from our destination.

I look over at him again

His eyes pierce my soul.

His gaze reaches into my innermost places

Before I even speak a word,

He knows what I am about to say.

"This is no longer yours to carry."

Stunned, I watch as His lifts the burden off my shoulders

He struggles uphill.

The soldiers push me down, out of the way

As they rush to strike Him more.

Their laughter rattles in my heart.

Their laughter, my laughter.

Their mockery, my mockery.

His innocence, my cross.

The world spins around me.

I cannot take it any longer.

"THAT IS MY CROSS! THAT IS MY CROSS!"

I rush up the hill, yelling like a madman.

"Give me what I deserve! That is MY CROSS!"

A soldier punches me, then shoves me to the ground.

My head strikes the earth with force.

I look up, the world blurred and doubled,

Yet I see Him clearly.

His lips move slightly

"I am making you free. Go and be free"

Tears roll down my face, dotting the dried dirt.

I reach out towards Him,

But soon find myself tumbling as the soldiers kick me down the hill.

"Father, forgive them!"

The words pierce my ears as I black out.

Kyrie Eleison,

Lord have mercy on me!

A sinner who now knows the price that was paid for freedom!

And now I stand looking at the path before me.

I see the steps I have walked before.

Beside them, I see a line in the sand.

Evidence of a heavy burden being dragged alongside.

Here I am,

Another morning

Another chance to bear this cross of mine.

But this is not a cross of condemnation.

It is of freedom.

I am free,

Thanks to One who bore what was mine

on the Via Dolorosa.

Leading from the knees

There was something I heard a few years back, as a student leader in a campus ministry. It was a lesson that I "got". It made sense. It was practical, yet thought provoking.

Yet, I didn't apply it to my life. Not until after a dream I had last night. I will first tell the dream, then get into the lesson.

So I was in this building. I am assuming it was a Church, or a place where people gathered for Church. I was there and it felt familiar but uncomfortable. I was sitting in the back, when all of a sudden the Holy Spirit came over me. I fell to the ground, and people were around me asking what I was doing. I was in sort of a prostrated position, and was worshipping in a tongue. Then I was filled with inspiration to preach two passages from 1 Corinthians. One was 13:11, and the other was 11:23 to the end of the chapter.

So I got up, and was looking for a Bible to read from. There was already a man preaching, but I needed to find this Bible and speak from it! So I was going through all these books in this 'church'. Many of them were like self help sort of books. Finally I found a Bible! But when I went to the passages, they were not in there! I went through all the Bibles, but these passages were not in there! In fact, there were so many things not in there. All that was in the Bibles were nice passages of feel good things. I felt so mad! And so so upset! And I started speaking that which was on my heart, and people started leaving the Church angry.

Then I woke up. Now, when you read those verses, you'll read about putting away childish things and examining yourself before taking communion. These two verses are seemingly unrelated. In fact, I wondered all day why I had this dream. For a while, I felt a prophetic call! I was going to tell other Christians how bad they were, and they need to repent and turn to true faith.

Yet, in one of God's whacky, heavenly humor moments, I had this pie thrown back in my face. In fact, it was more like I was going to throw the pie, except I fell over my own feet and landed face first in the pie. Tasty, yet highly embarrassing. I was put in my place by a friend. She read the dream in an email, and the only thing she could say was "It sounds like you might need to repent".

Uh. What?!? ME? What did I do? I wanted to throw that opinion out the door. How stupid!

Yet those words have cut me to the heart all day. So much so, that the only thing on my mind from about 10 this morning until I got home was getting home to prostrate before God in humble submission, to confess my sins.

That is where my lesson comes in. See, I learned about a guy named Nehemiah. He was pretty legit, being the cup bearer to one of the most powerful men in the known world. Not only that, but he did lots of other things....Enough things to warrant a book in the Bible about what he did.

Here is how that book starts:

When I (Nehemiah) heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. Then I said:

“LORD, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father’s family, have committed against you. We have acted very wickedly toward you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses.

Whoa! Not exactly the way I would start a story about myself. Where are the riches? The babes? The guns? The Star Wars references?

Yet, this is how Nehemiah begins! A man who is weeping. Not only weeping, but fasting, mourning and praying for days. Most people have problems fasting one meal or praying more than 5 or 10 mins! Yet Nehemiah was so distraught that he did these things for days.

And what does he do next? He affirms the greatness of God and then confesses sins. Not just his sin. But his father's family sins, and ALL of Israel's sins against God.

Now let me give you a bit of background here. What were these sins? Primarily idolatry. It is the sin that always gets Israel in trouble. God delivered them from Pharaoh, only for them to worship a golden calf! God gives them a new land to live and worship Him, only for the to worship the gods of the people they warred against. And here they were again, worshiping everyone and everything that wasn't YHWH.

Pretty rotten stuff, if you ask me. Enough to make pious man or woman upset, but why was Nehemiah so upset?

God rose nations against Israel and everyone was put in captivity. The consequences of the sin were in full effect. The Holy City fell to pagans. The wall was knocked down, and more filth infiltrated into the Temple. Sin ran rampant. And the Israelites were paying for the sin of their nation.

So here is Nehemiah, begging God to forgive the sins of the people of Israel. What does God do? Well, evidently the pleas for mercy and grace fall on loving ears, because the rest of Nehemiah unfolds in a most excellent way. Nehemiah is given permission to return to Jerusalem. Once he gets there, he begins to rebuild the walls, despite much opposition. And something magnificent happens! All those who mocked him became frightened when they saw the work he was doing, because they knew YHWH was behind the work!

Now, after the wall was completed, Nehemiah began to read the law to the people. For hours they stood, listened, and worshiped the LORD. Then they confessed their sins before each other and before God.

From one man's repentant heart there came a wave of change to the people. Because one man saw his sin, and the sin of those around him, things changed. The people came back to the LORD.

This is a lesson for the leaders in all ministries to learn. If you want to see the people turn to the LORD, you must lead them there from YOUR KNEES. You cannot simply lead them from a pulpit or position of authority. You cannot lead them truth, by fancy words or convincing arguments. For if you were to work with an unrepentant heart, you would be look like the Jews in the eyes of their enemies. Their enemies saw a weak people, putting a bunch of stones on each other. The stones were so weak, that even a fox could make them crumble. YET, through the power of God, the city was restored, and the wall was made impressive.

If we try to bring the Gospel to people, without first confessing the sins of our lives, our churches, and our country, we will work in futility. In fact, I think we can see this happening already! Yet, if we confess our sins, and make our need known, God will do amazing things.

I know that I have had to confess a lot of things tonight. A lot of things that I didn't want to bring to light in my own mind, let alone to bring them to God. But, I know that if I am to be used by God to spread the message of His Gospel, then I need to confess my ways.I need to examine my heart. I need to move away from childish things. I need to do this and that. And by the grace of God, this impossible task, which may look foolish to the word, will be completed. And if He is willing, I pray that many will be drawn to Him by my efforts.

If you've read this, I hope that is your prayer as well.

But come, let us begin to lead the people back, by falling to our knees and cry out to God with our sins!

Be Blessed.

Thomas

Digging in the Past

I've always been fascinated with the past. I am, in short, a history nerd. I was the kid digging deep in books, and then deep in the ground. I always tried to find some sort of treasure, lost city, or even skeletons of ancient people! As I grew older, the little boy lived on in me. I still love history...and if I had a shovel and my own yard, I would love digging around in it for clues about the past.

As my studies have matured and deepened, I have thought more and more about how we in the present view those people in the past.We gather various clues, and from those clues we try to paint a picture of them. Often times, this picture looks very exotic and different from us. I mean our culture doesn't go around building pyramids, making mummies, worshipping animal deities, or any of that sort. That is something of the past! And we don't go around fighting to the death in sports arenas, like the Romans. Or building giant statues to god and godesses. Right?

Wrong!!!!

We are just like the ancients!

Examples:


This is a statue of America's First President, George Washington. He looks a lot like Zeus!!!




And this? It is another monument to George Washington:


If someone 2000 years in the future saw these things, then what do you think they would imagine? That Americans had a god named Washington, I am sure!!! Why else would they have statues and monuments of such a person?

And if future humans saw this:



Would they think it different from this:



????


Would they consider these guys:



Different from these:


Maybe. Maybe not. I often wonder whether or not we will be seen by the future humans in the same light as what we see when we look at the past.

But what am I getting at with this?? Well I think that maybe we Christians are like students of history. Sometimes we only get a portion of the story, and we try to make a whole picture out of it! For instance, a Christian might see a young girl who is pregnant, or just had a baby. A lot of times the Christian will think badly of her. "Oh here is a girl that must be a slut. She can't keep her legs closed, and now she has a baby." They made a story without knowing all the details. Maybe the girl was a virgin and saving herself, but got raped. And instead of aborting the baby, she wanted to keep it and raise it.

Or maybe we see a man on the street, begging for money. The thought might be that he is some bum who is too lazy to work, or did drugs and was put on the streets or something like this. But maybe he had a family. Maybe he had a home. Maybe he lost it all due to circumstances beyond his control.

And of course, the same is true for people who look good. We see the rich, young, beautiful couple in Church. They have a nice car, house, and good jobs. Obviously, they are good people, and God is blessing them with these things. Right? Perhaps! Or maybe the husband is cheating on his wife, who is only going to church to try and keep their marriage together.

We really don't know about any of these cases, minus the limited details we have briefly observed. This brings to me a few verses in the Bible. One is obviously Matthew 7:1: "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Pretty straight forward. We shouldn't go around passing judgements on people. Why? They can easily do the same towards us. Maybe people see me doing something, and assume me to be a bad man. I don't want that!

Another verse:

Titus 3:1-7
Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

I love this verse so much! Everytime I feel the urge to think negatively about a person (read: judge), I remember paraphrase this verse in my heart "you were once like them, but JESUS saved you by His Mercy!!!!" Essentially, I am just like the person I was wanting to judge. I am not any different than they are! I just have been saved by Grace, but not my works. Therefore, what grounds do I have to say this person is bad? Or another is good?

I wanted to write this as a reminder: Always be gentle with those in sin. Their sin is sin, no doubt. And we should warn them of the dangers of sin, as there are very real consequences to sin. But let us remember the sins in our life. Let us remember the bad things that have come our way. Let us remember all that, and show compassion to those who are trapped in this world and have not had the Gospel impact their lives.

Blessings,

Tom

Waiting on God

If you are anything like me, or any other human that has ever walked this earth, chances are that you hate to wait. I know I do. And the reason is a mix of laziness and living in a culture of instant gratification. Sometimes I find myself or others around me asking these questions or similar ones:

Why should I wait on a home cooked meal when I can go to the drive through and get food instantly served to me?

Why wait in a line for a human to process my order, when I can go through the automatic check out?

Why should I go to the gym when I can take a fancy pill to help me lose weight?

Why read a book when I can just watch the movie?

Why pursue marriage and a relationship when I can just get a one night stand?

Why read my Bible and find out who God is, when I can have some charlatan tell me what I want to hear about God?

The above questions reflect this mentality of our culture of instant gratification. We simply refuse to work hard or wait for things to happen. We must have them NOW.

I've been caught up in these things myself over the past few months. It has taken its toll on me in many ways. See, I've stopped laboring so much in my personal life, because the results were not coming as soon as I want. This is especially so in the realm of waiting on God to fulfill His promises. I want those things NOW. It doesn't feel good enough to simply be promised them. I want God to give them to me. Right now.

How arrogant of me! How childish! And how utterly ridiculous, right?

It is especially ridiculous given all I have seen in my life. If I can say anything about my life, it is that God has fulfilled every promise that He has made me. I can go through my life as a believer and see how God has shown me favor.

It's funny; when I think like this, suddenly I can see the foolishness of my mindset and lifestyle. It is like I have completely disregarded all other things that God has done because I am not getting my way at this point in time.

I want to relate this to a Biblical story of some sort. There are plenty of obvious ones. Abraham was promised a son by God. He refused to wait on God, and took matters into his own hands. Joseph had to wait through many trials before his vision came true and his brothers bowed before him. Israel waited for a Messiah to come, and when He did, they rejected him. These are all typical stories of waiting on God. In all these stories, God promised something and it came true, in ways outside of human understanding, and outside of human control. Despite the flaws of some of these people, God still made the promises come true.

There is one story that I have found that is sticking out in my mind, outside of the one's above. You see, there was this boy who told that one day he would be the King. But from the time that he was anointed until the the time that he became king of all Israel, he waited somewhere around 15-20 years before he had his promised fulfilled. And this isn't just idle waiting. This is running from a crazed king. This is having inner struggles. This is waiting through periods of war and chaos.

I don't know about you, but I am pretty sure I would have given up after the first year or two. Seriously. I think many of us would have similar reactions. But David waited almost TWO DECADES to be King of Israel! Wow! When I think about that, I look at the promises God has made me, and I think to myself:

"Why am I having such a hard time waiting just the past few months?"

And it dawns on me with such a simple answer. The answer is that I don't have enough faith. Which, again, is utterly ridiculous. I have seen God come through for me in so many ways, even in the past year. How can I doubt that He would come through with those things that He has promised me?

I'd have to be a fool to remain in this state of doubt.

I need to be like the father of the boy in Mark chapter 9, and cry out "Lord, I believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Because, the purpose of these promises is not to simply reward me, but that my faith can be tested and refined in the fire. Why? Because God is cruel? Not at all. God wants me to grow closer to Him. Time after time, I am given things I turn away from the Giver. But, in the time of waiting, I have seen my relationship grow. This time should be the same as those times.

I do believe that God will make good on His promises to me. Even if I must wait years, He will restore to me those things which faded away. But in that time, I know I must strive to not lose hope; to not lose faith. God has blessed me immensely in the past. And he has blessed me the most with His presence while I wait.

"The longer the wait, the sweeter the reward" is a variant of something I was told before. But in this case, the reward is not simply what is at the end of this road I am traveling. It is the journey that I am taking, with God. This is why I am choosing to wait on God, in peace and with faith.

God has never steered me wrong. He never will.

I pray others will come to know this truth in their own life.


Blessings,
Thomas

Our Greatest Fear

Sometime ago, there was an already famous quote by Marianne Williamson, made more famous by the movie Coach Carter. It goes like this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Before I get into talking about what is on my mind, I must first say this: I do agree with the above quote. And I believe there is a big difference between humility that a believer should practice, and the "shrinking" that the quote speaks about. Humility is accepting that your ability/talent/work is from God and not your own accord. You know that it is He who has given you this, so you cannot boast in yourself about doing whatever it may be. "Shrinking" is denying the ability God has given you. It is like pride reversed. "I am so bad, that I can't do anything at all", is no different from 'I am so good". The focus is on I am, and not God.

That being said, I want to address this quote in regards to my own life. I have come to be the embodiment of the 'shrinking' person it talks about. I have that greatest fear... I am afraid to acknowledge any talents or skills that God has given me. Why? Because I am scared of having a responsibility, and failing to live up to any expectations. I think this is a pretty common fear among people. And I think it is rather common for people to live lives that are far below their potential. I know that I have lived this way. When I was in school, I lived a life far below my potential. I thought it was good enough to just get by, and my grades reflected that. I went from being always above 3.7GPA in High School, to graduating with a 2.7 my final year of University. I set the bar low. It was laziness through fear that lead me down that path. That is not a pretty path to take, especially when you know your skills are far above where you have set yourself.

It has often been that laziness through fear that has also hampered my spiritual journey. Maybe I don't read as much scripture, pray enough prayers, do enough good deeds, disciple enough people, share my faith enough times, and so on. I am not saying I need to do any of those things, like they are what leads me to salvation. No, I will always say salvation comes from God's grace through faith. It is God's gift to give. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't do those things. In fact, I have all the more reason to do it. But I prohibit myself from doing. I think I, like a majority of people, are afraid to do those things which God has equipped us to do. What if we fail? Do we fail God? What if we succeed? Do we want that type of power and responsibility? Do we want that close connection to God?

We may say yes that we want to be connected to God, but the truth is that we are scared for some reason. I am scared of being God's ambassador to people, and failing that role. I am afraid of turning people away from God by what I may say or do. What if I am a leader, and I tell someone the wrong thing? I am held accountable for that, and it frightens me.

Yet, God, for some reason, keeps thrusting me into situations where I am a leader, or seen as someone with some authority. People are attracted to me. I don't know why. I never feel like I have anything good to say. Yet people come to me with their issues, concerns, and needs. And I eventually become responsible for helping these people through their times of need. And though I am scared, I rely so much on God and I run forward, eyes closed, hoping for the best. And God is faithful.

So, my friends, I ask that you look at those things which God has given you,and don't be afraid of using them. God gave them to you that you may bless the world around you, for HIS glory. He didn't make you a talented singer, so that you can be afraid to praise Him aloud. He did't allow you to be a diplomatic person, just that you may watch people fight and divide. He didn't make you an intellect, for you to skip class and get below average grades. He didn't make you compassionate, so that you could sit at home and feel bad about the world suffering from sin. NO! He made you these things, to be a beacon of light to the world. You are his flag bearer. Flag bearers were a very important part of the military. The were a symbol of morale. They guided the movements of the troops. Losing a flag bearer could mean a major change to the battle. So if you are a flag bearer for Christ, then why are you sitting down in this battle? He has equipped you to lead with him through this life. Your skills and talents are given that you may go into this world, spreading His kingdom to the hearts of men everywhere.

Don't be afraid. Don't lose hope. Don't sit still. Don't shrink yourself. Go forward, and use those gifts.

Blessings,
Thomas