Living up to my name.

Thomas is a pretty common name. As of May 2010, the SSA said it was within the top 60 names for males in America. I was named by my mother, in recognition of her mother's maiden name, Toms. I think this is one of those cases where a Godlike coincidence occurred in my life. I know that there are plenty of people who don't necessarily live up to an association with their name. Well, I have, for a long time, lived up to a major association to my name.

Doubting Thomas.

I sort of feel sorry for the Apostle Thomas. Forever and ever he will be known as the guy who didn't believe that Jesus resurrected. This is despite the fact that the other apostles were "perplexed" at the empty tomb and startled when Jesus appeared to them, as told in the Gospel of Luke. So despite this, Thomas is known as the Doubting Thomas.

Doubt has been a major obstacle for me to overcome. For a while, I doubted that God even existed. That evolved to believing in a God, but doubting that He actually cares about creation. Even as a believer I sometimes struggle with believing the previous, as well as having found myself doubting that God will do as He promised to me. And you know what? Every doubt has led to an embarrassment, just as Apostle Thomas was clearly made a fool when Jesus finally appeared to him and said "Put your finger in the hole in my hands, and put your hand in my side. Don't disbelieve but BELIEVE!”

That is the doubting Thomas. But there is also a believing Thomas. Believing Thomas sees Christ for who He is and falls to his knees and cries out "My Lord and my God!"
I can tell you a few times where God has shocked me and made good with His word, in direct opposition to my scornful doubt. I, too, can only fall to my knees and cry out praise to Him, for being my Lord and my God. But, it is only after God has revealed himself. As Jesus said "You have believed because you have seen. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." I strive for such a faith; to simply believe without seeking a sign first.

However, this is only a part of what it means to live up to the association with my name. Thomas is also known for not getting it. John 14:5 records a response to Jesus saying the disciples knew where Jesus was going and the way to get there. Thomas asks: "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Really? You've been with Jesus for 3 years, and He constantly talks about the way to Heaven, and you still don't get it (In Thomas' defense, Phillip didn't get it either, to which Jesus scolded him). I, too, find myself in this point so many times. I can read scripture, devotions, hear sermons, worship songs, or whatever, and yet live in a way that says 'I just don't get it". Quick example, Scripture says that we are made alive in Christ (Eph 2:5). Yet, I live like a dead man. I find myself looking back at past sin and having an urge to go back. How can a man who has tasted of life, desire to go to death? It is quite perplexing, yet I find myself in that position at times. I strive for a time where I can say "Enough of this!” It is a struggle, but Jesus said as much. This is why we are called to die DAILY to ourselves. If it were easy, we could die once to ourselves when we repent and get baptized and be okay. Yet, it is a daily battle; a battle which is absolutely worth fighting. Life in Him is far greater than living for me.

This leads me to one other mention of Thomas.


The most important reference to Thomas, I believe, is recorded in John 11. Jesus had heard of his beloved friend, Lazarus, dying. He made plans to return to Judea where Lazarus lived in the town of Bethany. Jesus had several hostile moments in Judea when the Jews there wanted to kill him. Jesus desired to go back to raise Lazarus from the dead as a sign of His power (v 14).

Thomas then tells the other disciples:

“Let us also go, that we may die with him”

What devotion! Here is a lowly follower willing to go to a hostile place with his Master, even in the face of death. Even though I have shared much of the negativity that Thomas had associated with him, I pray that I can share in this amazing devotion. I pray that my love for my Master would compel me to go wherever He desires, even if there is a good chance of being killed.

There is one final note on Thomas. It seems insignificant, but it’s about the actual meaning of Thomas. The Greek is Didymus, and the Aramaic is Tau'ma, which is taken from Toma. This word translates as "Twin". When I looked up the meaning of my name, I was very disappointed to find out it meant twin. I mean, there are some names that mean something like "warrior prince" or "Fierce lover" or something awesome like that. Twin is like the least cool name meaning ever. Yet I cling to that name. In Gnostic tradition (which I do not adhere to at all) Thomas was claimed to be the twin of Jesus, meaning he was just like him in spiritual wisdom. I don't claim this to be true. However, I know what John 3:30 says. It says that I must become less, that he may become more! I am to live in such a way that when people see me, they actually no longer see ME, but see Christ living through me. I am, in essence, looking like Christ. I will love like Him. I will live like Him. I will strive to do the Father's will like Him. I will look like his twin.

I pray that I can live up to my name.


Blessings,
Thomas.