Some Realizations.

Sometimes revelation doesn't come from a burning bush, on the road to Damascus, or from a heavenly messenger. Sometimes it doesn't come from reading scripture, or worship. Those are all good times to find revelation. For me, in this moment, revelation has come from a period of distress, hurt, heartache, and loss. I do not complain about the circumstances. Many of these things I have no control over. I cannot control death, or the feelings of a person. Things just happen. It is how we learn from those things that causes us to be a better person, or a bitter person. I refuse to be bitter.


I have come to realize that the Western approach to love is sadly mistaken. It usually ends up something like this:

Boy sees pretty girl, and desires after her body/looks. He then begins the process of getting to know her, so she will like him back. They find qualities that they like in each other, get warm fuzzy feelings, and call it love. Over time this love has only a slight chance to turn into real love. You see, when things get rough, a quality changes, or there is someone who has a better quality, one person can easily dismiss their lover. This is not love. It is, in my own opinion, no better than a one night stand. In each case, there is a clear mandate of sharing oneself with another, for a period of time that is other than forever, and that time is based on conditions. This is not love.

Love is unconditional. It fights through the tough times, to build each other up. If a person should say that they love another, yet run away when things go awry, then they are a coward and have not love. The Biblical concept of love shows that true love will be willing to work for as long as it takes to make things work (see Genesis 29:20). The familiar wedding passage in 1 Corinthians 13 say loads about love. And in 1st John, John says the since God is love, if one doesn't know love, they cannot know God. False love then, should be understood to leading to a false knowledge of love. He further states that there is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out fear.

It is no secret that when I speak about love, I speak about my own personal experience. It's been several months now, and by all accounts, I should be over the heartache. I am mostly over the hurt of losing the love of my life, and indeed my best friend. I have moved on past that. Yet, there is still a hurt inside because of my realization. I believe ultimately, the relationship ended due to a false sense of love on her behalf. I came into her life when she needed someone to take care of her. I fit that role. I gave her that comfort. Then I had to move away, due to no fault of my own, and things went down hill. I did my best to work through the agony of having to see her only once or twice a month, if that. I felt pain, and cried, every time I left her. I was scared about the future, not knowing what I specifically wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to do ministry, and be with her. For me, this was enough. Yet, for her it was not. I do not blame her, or think ill of her. I am sure that in her eyes, I did not do enough to prove my love for her. Communication was a bit of a problem. Still, I never once wanted to give up what we had, as I believe that love is forever when you promise it to someone. I look at the imperfections of either her or myself, and strive to do better to work past those bad points.

Perhaps I am naive, old fashioned, or a bit of both. Should I ever find myself in a relationship with another woman, I will make it known from the beginning my intentions, and expectations. And I believe that this may be very well all that I will say on this subject for quite some time.

It should also be noted that the love I mention above is not strictly for romantic love between two people. It should also be the love that is seen between a Christian and his/her brothers and sisters. We are to be patient, and kind, and loving our fellow Christian, just as Christ loved us. We should love them above all, and seek to make sure they are filled with joy, their needs are met, and they are living right. We should fight for that love as much as possible. "They will know we are Christians, by our love" was the popular phrase. Let's live it.

Moving on...

Realization #2.

Just as love here is cheap, so is faith. In this day and age, we have many churches for just about anything. Racist and hate gays? We have a church for that? God-fearing, American patriot that believes we are God's chosen people? Church for that! Extremely liberal, allows anything without thinking through? Churches for that! You see, whilst Sola Scriptura has a great intention of making sure that are beliefs are based around Scripture, it also has led to a free for all in Biblical theology, causing much division. There are several thousand protestant denominations, and that isn't counting the independent non-denom churches. All based around their belief of what scripture does or doesn't say. To me, this seems very counter-intuitive. If we all serve the same God, who gives us the same Holy Spirit, which interprets the same Scripture, then why do we have so many denominations? Ironically, I think scripture has a reason for this. Paul's 2nd letter to Timothy says that in the last days there will be people who are lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful and arrogant. Elsewhere, it is stated that people will listen to whatever is pleasing to their own ears. I do not believe that Christians are immune to this.

We have so many who listen to preaches who teach about living one's best life NOW. They teach about getting money as a reward to true faith (which, ironically is giving up money to these preachers). There are those who don't teach that we should live holy. Instead, its all about "having Jesus in your heart". Please, show me in Scripture where it is said that Christianity is all about having Jesus in your heart, and that's it. This is a watered down, and plainly false gospel that is taught. Scripture PLAINLY says that we are to accept Christ as our Saviour, repent of our sins, and live an obedient life to Him, and Him alone. It is a life long process. It is a daily struggle. It is a tough path. YET, so many people think of Jesus as an easy way. He is our buddy, and ATM for our every desire. While scripture does say that if we ask, he will give, we should realize that our asks should be based on need and our desires should be used to glorify Christ. A new boat, winning the lottery, etc, doesn't really glorify Christ. Praying for those things does not mean that God will give them away.

So, we have a theological royal rumble going on, which has lead to the teaching of every position possible(although I am sure that I could easily make my own position, and create a new church), and these teachings have led to the presentation of false gospel. This false gospel, in turn, has now led to Christianity being about "me". I was jokingly saying to a friend that Christianity is all about me, it even has Three I's in it! Sadly, many people believe this, even if they might not academically acknowledge it. I'll admit, that it is hard to live in a me-based society and not think with a me mindset. But our call is not to serve self. Church is not about making us feel good about ourselves, or boost our self-esteem. Our call is to serve God, as well as serve others. Our focus is on the Glory of Christ, our King.

I long for a revival where the Spirit leads believers to cast off the falsehoods, and to cling to the Truth of Jesus. I long for a day when Scripture will not be used to meet our own desires, but our lives are, instead, transformed by the power of Scripture.


Realization 3.
God is awesome. I know, I know. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to say those words. But it is true. God is absolutely amazing. He is wonderful. He is fantastic. He is everything and so much more. If I have learned anything while struggling with everything in my life (as illustrated by points 1 and 2), it is that God is ultimately worthy of praise, regardless of what situation I am in. If I am depressed, being beaten down by the world, trampled on by life,etc., God is still Good and worthy of my praise. I've found that I am able to praise Christ so much more now in the bad times, instead of just when I get my way. The well known Romans 8:28 verse says that God uses everything for the good of His people. My hurt, my pain, my confusion, my lack of sight; all of this has been used for good, by molding me into a man who desires deeply after God. I am not perfect by any means. Trust me, I still have my struggles, and some thoughts are hard to take captive. However, even in the darkness that may follow me, I have hope in the knowledge that my God is right beside me. That hope causes me to look past everything, and only see His beauty and worth.

I find myself saying something similar to this:

God, though there may be pain that exists, I still worship and praise you for being who you are. You are far larger than my problems, and I seek your face, your comfort, your love and your joy. I pray that I am able to always praise you when things are tough, even if that includes my every day being tough. If I must suffer to bring you glory, then so be it. You are worthy. Amen


I write the above, not to have a pity party. In truth, I realize that I do have it pretty good. I mean, I am after all, on the internet typing my thoughts and feelings, with running electricity, water, and heat. I have food and shelter. I have clothing. I have my family, and a close group of friends. I have it great by all standards. Yet, there are those unfortunate incidents which have occurred and blinded me of the blessings I have. I hope that by reading my last realization, you realize that I refuse to be a victim of circumstance, because Jesus is really all the matters when it comes down to it.


Blessings,
Thomas