Testimony of God's Great Love and Peace.

Have you ever felt that everything is working against you, even though you put in all your effort to do excellent? I feel as if that sentiment could sum up my entire life, from day one until now. For the majority of my life (outside of two years of University), I've done my best and still things go wrong. This isn't me playing the victim; it is a simple observation of my life. I try hard, things go bad, and I feel inadequate. It is as simple as that.

This past week was no different, when I traveled with 21 kids and 4 leaders to Lake Champion, in New York. I thought everything was going real well, at first. We got almost all of the payments and forms done before we met. We had everything packed and ready to go. The students arrived on time for the bus. We even left a little earlier than I expected. In fact, we were slated to be the first area to arrive at camp. It was so perfect.

That is, until our bus broke down in rural Pennsylvania.

For no apparent reason, the bus lost power and we were forced to the side of the interstate. After some time, the driver informed us that we would have to wait about 3 ½ hours for another bus to come for us. Eduardo and I walked to the nearest town to find help. After talking to a church to secure a location for our students, we went back to figure a way to get them there. When we got back the police finally arrived. They told us at first they would be able to give our kids transport. However, a state trooper arrived and said that he ‘didn't have time to drive kids around’. I guess it wasn't worth his time to take kids off of a broken down bus on the side of a very busy interstate, even though it was hot and there was limited water. Perhaps that was his way of showing his commitment to ‘protect and serve’ people?

Fast forward to around 4:30, and another bus finally came from Virginia. We were finally back on the road. We arrived at camp around 6 pm. We were originally scheduled to arrive at camp at 1:30.  I was a little upset, to say the least. Still though, we were there.

After a couple days of cuts, bruises, and a rash that I believe is poison ivy, we came to a night of pillow fighting. Believe it or not, guys really enjoy beating the tar out of each other with pillows.  And in typical fashion for Thomas, I was hit hard in the eye (ouch!) and fell back and hit my head on a bed (double ouch). I was actually knocked out by hitting the bed.  A major headache ensued, and I had to retire for the night.

The next day, we were up for the ropes course. Ropes course is always fun to do with the guys. I get to push them to their limits and do things they never thought they could do. However, due to my injury from the night before, I was not in a good place to do the ropes course.  About half way through, I began to sweat quite a bit, followed by a splitting headache. Following this was nausea, black spots appearing in my sight, and dizziness.   Instead of risking an accident, I turned around and came down from the trees. After the medic came to see me, I laid on a bench, listening to my guys finish the ropes course in triumph. They didn't see me, but I was fighting back tears. Never have I felt like such a loser in my life. I hate not being able to complete things, especially when it comes doing things with the guys.

A day later, around Tuesday, I was recovered from the headaches and nausea. We had a great day, minus a little rain in the morning. That night, I used Eduardo’s phone to call my sweetie. Throughout the week I was unable to make calls on my phone, due to signal. This was a bummer, because I am so used to talking to her every night before bed. On top of that, I was a little anxious because I knew parents would want to talk to their kids, and without my phone it would be hard for that connection to happen.

As I was talking with Paola, she informed me that I needed to call my mom. Evidently on the same day we left, someone found my mom’s sister (my Aunt Rachel) dead in a bathroom. From what I understand, she overdosed on something, though I am not sure what substance that might be. I was never particularly close to her, because she lived in Florida. Still, hearing my mom sound so sad about the loss of another sibling left me feeling empty inside. I wanted to be able to say the right words to give her peace. I left the cabin that night to walk around camp. I cried out to God “Lord, I wanted you to shake up my life, but did you have to do it like this”.

 After some more crying and praying, I looked out at the lake. I saw the stars reflecting on it. Then I looked up. I saw all the stars in that night sky. It was the most vast night sky that I have seen in ages. I felt so insignificant. Does anything really matter? Is this camp worth it? Should I just give up now because I am a terrible leader?

 But God did as He often does. He spoke gentle words into me. But though they were gentle to hear, they pierced me to the very core. The words he spoke wiped away my tears of pain and doubt, and built into me a feeling of chaotic peace. I know that sounds oxymoronic, but it totally makes sense to me. I was so at peace that I was in a bit of chaos. I mean, everything in my life has been going bad lately. How can I be at peace with everything that is going on? I need to worry and make plans! I need to speak out about things. I need to do this and that. But God reminded me that the thises and the thats of this life are already taken care of.

I went to bed that night, feeling a peace again, that once escaped me a long time ago.

The next day, I had incredible joy in welcoming two young men into the Kingdom of Christ. Eduardo welcomed in another, and Elise and Melissa lead several ladies to that same point. One young man specifically moved me as he was wrestling with the decision. He had fear of relapsing into doing stupid things back home. After conversing for a good while, we decided to pray. He looked up to the sky, as if to look for an answer. It was mostly cloud while we talked, but when he looked up a beam of sunlight came down and hit him. It didn’t hit me, right next to him. It didn’t hit anywhere around him. It landed straight on his face. He said right away that he needed to make the decision there and then. So I prayed over him, and after about 5 mins of his own personal praying, he looked up and told us that he felt like a free man. Oh, to have the feeling of freedom!

I talked with him earlier today. His fear about relapsing was overcome after he and his other friend turned down the opportunity to smoke and drink when they got back home. I feel so proud of him for making this decision to let God’s love change his life.

After we wrapped up our good byes and packed our things on the bus, I began to feel a familiar friend come back to mind. When we made a stop, it was only reinforced. I am going to be vulnerable right now. For the last few months, I have struggled with income. I have a few jobs which give me semi-regular projects, but when I get paid it is usually only enough to cover my bills (rent and phone), and a little food. After checking my bank accounts and seeing them to be below the $20 mark, I began worrying. How am I going to get food? How am I going to provide for myself? I worried myself sick.

 But, once again, God delivers.

God silenced my worries when I came home to see a bunch of groceries lying on my bed. Evidently my wonderful, beautiful, amazing girlfriend came all the way from her house to my house to leave the groceries there. God has blessed me so much, that I can barely see (well, that is mostly because of the tears in my eyes, I guess).

When I look back at my life from the last few months, and I see the struggles I have endured over that time and especially over this last week, and then I feel the overwhelming peace of God in my life, I feel like my new brother in Christ, Roony. I feel free now. I mean, I was free beforehand, but God really reminded me this week at how free I am in Him.

Not only that, He reminded me nothing can stop His love and His glory from being known and shown. There are no bus break downs, scrapes, cuts, poison ivy rashes, concussions, or money issues that are so big as to stop God from showing His love.  Not even the death of a family member can stop the great Gospel of Jesus Christ from being revealed. Nothing can stop God from taking those on the path of death, and putting them on the path of Life.

I’ll end with this thought that I see on every email from my mentor, Carlos Dimas: “God is bigger than my problems”.

God is much bigger, indeed.