Testify!

I was struggling to find something deep to say in this post. In these times I find it necessary to keep writing anyways. So, I was listening to some music while reading Scripture. One of the songs was called "Testify" by Shai Linne. The beginning of the song has a recollection of the Samaritan woman at the well who is completely amazed by Jesus and what he has to say. The story concludes with this:

John 4:39-42

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. And because of his words many more became believers.
They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.”

This woman testified about what Jesus said and did for her, and the people believed, but then they came in contact with him and believed even MORE. But it first started with her testifying.

Today, then, I want to write this post to follow the example of the Samaritan woman, but also a commandment of Jesus to a man once possessed by demons. Mark 5:19

"[Jesus] said to him, "Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you"

* I want to testify, with my every word, deed, breath, and thought, about the life saving and life changing power of Christ Jesus. He changed me from one who had nothing to live for into one who lived for HIS glory. He saved me from death and made me to live eternally. He changed my heart from desiring everything in this world to not being able to be fulfilled by anything except Him. It is such a sweet feeling to experience this love and change of life.

* I want to testify about the blessing of family in my life. My parents and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. My ultimate goal is to live in such a way that Christ becomes desirable for them, and they will thirst after Him and live a life strictly for Him. I pray for this every day, because I love them so much. I'd love nothing more than to pass away from this earth with the knowledge that I will see my fam. in paradise with Jesus. Until then, I will just testify about how blessed I am to simply have my family. God molded them special to bless me, and made me special to bless them. He is great!

* I want to testify about God's blessing in giving me my wonderful friends. I didn't have many friends growing up, maybe a handful, if that. Yet, God in His goodness is now blessing me with an overflowing of friends. I met so many new people when I was in school, and through CSC ministry. Many of those people are dear friends for whom I'd give my very life up in a moment's notice. I am blessed to have that core group of friends who will pray for me, who will love and accept me for who I am, and who will always be there. I am also thankful for the new friends that God is bringing into my life. There are a few I have recently began talking to, and each has blessed my life immensely. So no matter if they are around forever, or just a season, I thank God for His great gifts to me.

*Finally, I want to testify about the pure greatness of Jesus. I've talked about what he has done for me, and given me, but I want express the greatness of Him even without those things. Who else do you know that can say raised themselves from death? We all will taste death, but none can bring themselves back.

Only Christ is powerful enough to completely conquer death.

Only Christ is Holy enough to be the atonement for all of man's sin. Praise Him!

Only Christ came left His throne and lived among slime! And he is the only one to ascend back into paradise and sit back on His throne!

Only Jesus lived a perfect life, completely innocent, and in tune with the will of the Father.

And it is only Him who is blessed enough to be the mediator between man and God. It is only Christ that can purchase us for our Father.

I thank God with all my being for everything Christ that Christ is. He is my creator, and coming King. I am His Bride, and He is the blessed Bridegroom, who passionately loves my heart. Forever I will testify to His greatness! Amen.

I hope and pray that as we go about our lives, we may always testify to the greatness of our Lord Jesus, and thank him for the blessings he bestows upon us. I pray that we will show the world that we serve a God who is mighty, and fulfills the every longing of our heart.

I finish with this:
John 4:13, 23-26

Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am HE.”

Let us testify about Him.

Blessing,
Thomas

Living up to my name.

Thomas is a pretty common name. As of May 2010, the SSA said it was within the top 60 names for males in America. I was named by my mother, in recognition of her mother's maiden name, Toms. I think this is one of those cases where a Godlike coincidence occurred in my life. I know that there are plenty of people who don't necessarily live up to an association with their name. Well, I have, for a long time, lived up to a major association to my name.

Doubting Thomas.

I sort of feel sorry for the Apostle Thomas. Forever and ever he will be known as the guy who didn't believe that Jesus resurrected. This is despite the fact that the other apostles were "perplexed" at the empty tomb and startled when Jesus appeared to them, as told in the Gospel of Luke. So despite this, Thomas is known as the Doubting Thomas.

Doubt has been a major obstacle for me to overcome. For a while, I doubted that God even existed. That evolved to believing in a God, but doubting that He actually cares about creation. Even as a believer I sometimes struggle with believing the previous, as well as having found myself doubting that God will do as He promised to me. And you know what? Every doubt has led to an embarrassment, just as Apostle Thomas was clearly made a fool when Jesus finally appeared to him and said "Put your finger in the hole in my hands, and put your hand in my side. Don't disbelieve but BELIEVE!”

That is the doubting Thomas. But there is also a believing Thomas. Believing Thomas sees Christ for who He is and falls to his knees and cries out "My Lord and my God!"
I can tell you a few times where God has shocked me and made good with His word, in direct opposition to my scornful doubt. I, too, can only fall to my knees and cry out praise to Him, for being my Lord and my God. But, it is only after God has revealed himself. As Jesus said "You have believed because you have seen. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." I strive for such a faith; to simply believe without seeking a sign first.

However, this is only a part of what it means to live up to the association with my name. Thomas is also known for not getting it. John 14:5 records a response to Jesus saying the disciples knew where Jesus was going and the way to get there. Thomas asks: "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Really? You've been with Jesus for 3 years, and He constantly talks about the way to Heaven, and you still don't get it (In Thomas' defense, Phillip didn't get it either, to which Jesus scolded him). I, too, find myself in this point so many times. I can read scripture, devotions, hear sermons, worship songs, or whatever, and yet live in a way that says 'I just don't get it". Quick example, Scripture says that we are made alive in Christ (Eph 2:5). Yet, I live like a dead man. I find myself looking back at past sin and having an urge to go back. How can a man who has tasted of life, desire to go to death? It is quite perplexing, yet I find myself in that position at times. I strive for a time where I can say "Enough of this!” It is a struggle, but Jesus said as much. This is why we are called to die DAILY to ourselves. If it were easy, we could die once to ourselves when we repent and get baptized and be okay. Yet, it is a daily battle; a battle which is absolutely worth fighting. Life in Him is far greater than living for me.

This leads me to one other mention of Thomas.


The most important reference to Thomas, I believe, is recorded in John 11. Jesus had heard of his beloved friend, Lazarus, dying. He made plans to return to Judea where Lazarus lived in the town of Bethany. Jesus had several hostile moments in Judea when the Jews there wanted to kill him. Jesus desired to go back to raise Lazarus from the dead as a sign of His power (v 14).

Thomas then tells the other disciples:

“Let us also go, that we may die with him”

What devotion! Here is a lowly follower willing to go to a hostile place with his Master, even in the face of death. Even though I have shared much of the negativity that Thomas had associated with him, I pray that I can share in this amazing devotion. I pray that my love for my Master would compel me to go wherever He desires, even if there is a good chance of being killed.

There is one final note on Thomas. It seems insignificant, but it’s about the actual meaning of Thomas. The Greek is Didymus, and the Aramaic is Tau'ma, which is taken from Toma. This word translates as "Twin". When I looked up the meaning of my name, I was very disappointed to find out it meant twin. I mean, there are some names that mean something like "warrior prince" or "Fierce lover" or something awesome like that. Twin is like the least cool name meaning ever. Yet I cling to that name. In Gnostic tradition (which I do not adhere to at all) Thomas was claimed to be the twin of Jesus, meaning he was just like him in spiritual wisdom. I don't claim this to be true. However, I know what John 3:30 says. It says that I must become less, that he may become more! I am to live in such a way that when people see me, they actually no longer see ME, but see Christ living through me. I am, in essence, looking like Christ. I will love like Him. I will live like Him. I will strive to do the Father's will like Him. I will look like his twin.

I pray that I can live up to my name.


Blessings,
Thomas.

Another poem

Earlier in my evening, I was watching a film about the Crusades. This made me think about Kings. And I was joking with a friend how I wanted to be a king someday, but I needed a queen. We joked a few more minutes, and then I began to have some images show up in my mind. A lovely woman, who's face I did not see, but she was glowing and beautiful. I then saw the stars, and she was shining brightest. And then I saw a firm, proud tree with such appealing fruit, and my mouth watered because I wanted it so much.

Anyways, after I saw this, I had to jot down these things in words, as best I can.

A poem for my unknown love:

O’ Queen, my beautiful Queen
See how lovely you are,
Adorned with splendor and grace!

You are as lovely as Venus,
The bright morning star
Chosen as special out of the heavenly bodies
To shine brightly,
announcing the coming glorious light

And as Venus shines before the full glory is seen,
So too, my love for you, shines
Before I have even laid eyes upon your face

Before our gazes have met
I have seen the inner depths of your soul
And I love you.

I have seen you
Standing firm and proud
Bearing such luscious fruit
And I desire to taste of it

O’ Queen, my beautiful Queen
So soft and delicate
Fit only for the finest linens
And the gentlest touches.

O’ my sweetest love
I adore you
I desire you

When will Heaven reveal you?
When shall I give pursuit to your heart?
When shall I make you my wife?
When shall I crown you my Queen?

I know not when,
Yet my heart is ready
For you.

The Lord is good in all things

Some days I like to just write a quick poem to God.


The Lord is Good in all things.
He is fair and just.
He is the most High King.

My soul sings, for this perfection pursues me.
He pursues my heart, though it has chased evil.
He pursues my mind, though I have lusted for the world.
He pursues my soul, though it was bound for darkness.
He pursues my body, though it has sought passing pleasures.

Why does He pursue me?
Love.

To know this Love is my new heart’s desire.
To fathom it is my new mind’s goal.
To dwell in it is my redeemed soul’s longing.
And it pleases my body, more than any pleasure upon this earth.

He is my King.
He is my Father.
My Brother.
My Provider.
My Lord, My Love, My ALL.

I will forever sing praise to YOU, O’ Lord.

My idols are destroyed.
My heart is ready.
My body is willing.
I am submissive to you God.
Grant this servant the honor to serve you and add to YOUR Kingdom.

Some Realizations.

Sometimes revelation doesn't come from a burning bush, on the road to Damascus, or from a heavenly messenger. Sometimes it doesn't come from reading scripture, or worship. Those are all good times to find revelation. For me, in this moment, revelation has come from a period of distress, hurt, heartache, and loss. I do not complain about the circumstances. Many of these things I have no control over. I cannot control death, or the feelings of a person. Things just happen. It is how we learn from those things that causes us to be a better person, or a bitter person. I refuse to be bitter.


I have come to realize that the Western approach to love is sadly mistaken. It usually ends up something like this:

Boy sees pretty girl, and desires after her body/looks. He then begins the process of getting to know her, so she will like him back. They find qualities that they like in each other, get warm fuzzy feelings, and call it love. Over time this love has only a slight chance to turn into real love. You see, when things get rough, a quality changes, or there is someone who has a better quality, one person can easily dismiss their lover. This is not love. It is, in my own opinion, no better than a one night stand. In each case, there is a clear mandate of sharing oneself with another, for a period of time that is other than forever, and that time is based on conditions. This is not love.

Love is unconditional. It fights through the tough times, to build each other up. If a person should say that they love another, yet run away when things go awry, then they are a coward and have not love. The Biblical concept of love shows that true love will be willing to work for as long as it takes to make things work (see Genesis 29:20). The familiar wedding passage in 1 Corinthians 13 say loads about love. And in 1st John, John says the since God is love, if one doesn't know love, they cannot know God. False love then, should be understood to leading to a false knowledge of love. He further states that there is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out fear.

It is no secret that when I speak about love, I speak about my own personal experience. It's been several months now, and by all accounts, I should be over the heartache. I am mostly over the hurt of losing the love of my life, and indeed my best friend. I have moved on past that. Yet, there is still a hurt inside because of my realization. I believe ultimately, the relationship ended due to a false sense of love on her behalf. I came into her life when she needed someone to take care of her. I fit that role. I gave her that comfort. Then I had to move away, due to no fault of my own, and things went down hill. I did my best to work through the agony of having to see her only once or twice a month, if that. I felt pain, and cried, every time I left her. I was scared about the future, not knowing what I specifically wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to do ministry, and be with her. For me, this was enough. Yet, for her it was not. I do not blame her, or think ill of her. I am sure that in her eyes, I did not do enough to prove my love for her. Communication was a bit of a problem. Still, I never once wanted to give up what we had, as I believe that love is forever when you promise it to someone. I look at the imperfections of either her or myself, and strive to do better to work past those bad points.

Perhaps I am naive, old fashioned, or a bit of both. Should I ever find myself in a relationship with another woman, I will make it known from the beginning my intentions, and expectations. And I believe that this may be very well all that I will say on this subject for quite some time.

It should also be noted that the love I mention above is not strictly for romantic love between two people. It should also be the love that is seen between a Christian and his/her brothers and sisters. We are to be patient, and kind, and loving our fellow Christian, just as Christ loved us. We should love them above all, and seek to make sure they are filled with joy, their needs are met, and they are living right. We should fight for that love as much as possible. "They will know we are Christians, by our love" was the popular phrase. Let's live it.

Moving on...

Realization #2.

Just as love here is cheap, so is faith. In this day and age, we have many churches for just about anything. Racist and hate gays? We have a church for that? God-fearing, American patriot that believes we are God's chosen people? Church for that! Extremely liberal, allows anything without thinking through? Churches for that! You see, whilst Sola Scriptura has a great intention of making sure that are beliefs are based around Scripture, it also has led to a free for all in Biblical theology, causing much division. There are several thousand protestant denominations, and that isn't counting the independent non-denom churches. All based around their belief of what scripture does or doesn't say. To me, this seems very counter-intuitive. If we all serve the same God, who gives us the same Holy Spirit, which interprets the same Scripture, then why do we have so many denominations? Ironically, I think scripture has a reason for this. Paul's 2nd letter to Timothy says that in the last days there will be people who are lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful and arrogant. Elsewhere, it is stated that people will listen to whatever is pleasing to their own ears. I do not believe that Christians are immune to this.

We have so many who listen to preaches who teach about living one's best life NOW. They teach about getting money as a reward to true faith (which, ironically is giving up money to these preachers). There are those who don't teach that we should live holy. Instead, its all about "having Jesus in your heart". Please, show me in Scripture where it is said that Christianity is all about having Jesus in your heart, and that's it. This is a watered down, and plainly false gospel that is taught. Scripture PLAINLY says that we are to accept Christ as our Saviour, repent of our sins, and live an obedient life to Him, and Him alone. It is a life long process. It is a daily struggle. It is a tough path. YET, so many people think of Jesus as an easy way. He is our buddy, and ATM for our every desire. While scripture does say that if we ask, he will give, we should realize that our asks should be based on need and our desires should be used to glorify Christ. A new boat, winning the lottery, etc, doesn't really glorify Christ. Praying for those things does not mean that God will give them away.

So, we have a theological royal rumble going on, which has lead to the teaching of every position possible(although I am sure that I could easily make my own position, and create a new church), and these teachings have led to the presentation of false gospel. This false gospel, in turn, has now led to Christianity being about "me". I was jokingly saying to a friend that Christianity is all about me, it even has Three I's in it! Sadly, many people believe this, even if they might not academically acknowledge it. I'll admit, that it is hard to live in a me-based society and not think with a me mindset. But our call is not to serve self. Church is not about making us feel good about ourselves, or boost our self-esteem. Our call is to serve God, as well as serve others. Our focus is on the Glory of Christ, our King.

I long for a revival where the Spirit leads believers to cast off the falsehoods, and to cling to the Truth of Jesus. I long for a day when Scripture will not be used to meet our own desires, but our lives are, instead, transformed by the power of Scripture.


Realization 3.
God is awesome. I know, I know. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to say those words. But it is true. God is absolutely amazing. He is wonderful. He is fantastic. He is everything and so much more. If I have learned anything while struggling with everything in my life (as illustrated by points 1 and 2), it is that God is ultimately worthy of praise, regardless of what situation I am in. If I am depressed, being beaten down by the world, trampled on by life,etc., God is still Good and worthy of my praise. I've found that I am able to praise Christ so much more now in the bad times, instead of just when I get my way. The well known Romans 8:28 verse says that God uses everything for the good of His people. My hurt, my pain, my confusion, my lack of sight; all of this has been used for good, by molding me into a man who desires deeply after God. I am not perfect by any means. Trust me, I still have my struggles, and some thoughts are hard to take captive. However, even in the darkness that may follow me, I have hope in the knowledge that my God is right beside me. That hope causes me to look past everything, and only see His beauty and worth.

I find myself saying something similar to this:

God, though there may be pain that exists, I still worship and praise you for being who you are. You are far larger than my problems, and I seek your face, your comfort, your love and your joy. I pray that I am able to always praise you when things are tough, even if that includes my every day being tough. If I must suffer to bring you glory, then so be it. You are worthy. Amen


I write the above, not to have a pity party. In truth, I realize that I do have it pretty good. I mean, I am after all, on the internet typing my thoughts and feelings, with running electricity, water, and heat. I have food and shelter. I have clothing. I have my family, and a close group of friends. I have it great by all standards. Yet, there are those unfortunate incidents which have occurred and blinded me of the blessings I have. I hope that by reading my last realization, you realize that I refuse to be a victim of circumstance, because Jesus is really all the matters when it comes down to it.


Blessings,
Thomas