Gratitude

Thank God for church. Seriously.

This past Sunday, I was seriously convicted by my pastor. Which is a good thing. It means he is earning his paycheck. ;-)

When we pray, we usually ask, with the hope to receive.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for things. Yet, when we do receive, how often do we give back thanks? How often do we live a life of gratitude towards God for all the things He has done? And how often do we miss out on other works of God, because we don't acknowledge what He has done before?

I look at my life and consider where I have been in the past up until this point. In my life, I have seen poverty and comfort. There have been times of famine, and times of feasting. I have seen my parents go without, and I have seen them enjoy some of the nicer things. My life has literally been a wild ride.

There have been times where I have complained incessantly, and pretty vocally. Why can't I have this? Why can't I be like that? Why can't I experience that love? Why am I so much behind other people at this point in life?

Yet, I look and I don't see a similar pattern of gratitude. Where is my constant stream of thanksgiving for all the God has done for me? Where is vocal outpouring of praise and adoration?

That is something I want to change!  I want to always be grateful for the life that I have. When things are great, I must praise. When things are tough, I must praise. Regardless of the season in my life, I want to thank God for everything in my life.

And I want to begin that right now.

So, thank you God for all that I have, for even those things that I have wished for but will never have. Thank you for always taking care of me. I know there are many needs in the world.  For some reason, I have experienced things that other people may never attain. This is a sobering reality to me. There is nothing special about me, deserving such mercies. I am no one. I have nothing to offer. Yet, I have tasted blessings. I thank you for that, Lord. And I pray that this truth remains in my life, so that I never forget those who are without. Let your blessings flow freely from my life, into theirs.

Thank you so much for everything, again. Amen.

A Wave in the Sea

Ohhhh, time for a new blog post! It has been a few months since my last one. The funny thing is, I always have deep thoughts going on in my head, and I mean to capture them down on here, but I get too lazy. Whoops.


Anyway, I was thinking about my blog's title, A Wave in the Sea.  What the heck does that even mean?  Well, that is what this post is about.

Originally, the name came to me after reading a Bible verse. In the letter of James, he says the following:

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

Man! If there was ever a verse to describe my life, this would be pretty close. My nature is rather skeptical, though I know my atheist friends would scoff at that notion, given that I believe in a deity. However, I would counter that my faith comes with a lot of questions. I have always had a hard time when people said things like "well, God works in mysterious ways",  "God's ways are not your ways, so you may never know why X happens", or "I believe X, because the Bible says so". If I am in a conversation with someone, and they bring these up, I automatically begin to think less of their intellectual capabilities. This is, perhaps, a fault of mine, and I am trying to be nice. I promise. ;-)

Anyway, my life has always been on of doubting things. Someone says X, I try to find out something to disprove X. This does have some benefits, I admit. For example, around a year or so ago, I radically changed many of my political beliefs. I don't know what triggered it, but one day my BS detector kicked in and caused me to doubt everything I had believed for a better part of my life.

So, in a sense, I have been like a wave in the sea, blown and tossed every which way, because of my doubting nature. This nature has caused me to flop around on my beliefs. And though I have had some radical shifts more recently, I have noticed a calming of this trend.  Therefore, I do not consider this blog to be about my doubts or radically shifted political views.

So why do I keep this name?

I like this name because it reminds me of my mortality. Now, that may seem like a strange reason, but it is my reason. I am a wave in the sea. The sea is a vast expanse of water, stretching thousands of miles. And on this body of water is a constant presence of waves. Millions of waves. And there are so many types of waves, at that! For example:

• The insignificant wave: A normal wave, of no real significance. It floats about the ocean's surface for a while, but can easily fade away.
• The swell: These are larger waves caused by storms conditions. Can do moderate damage.
• The breaker: This wave travels a long distance, only to crash against the rocks/beach.
• Rogue wave: Comes out of no where and causes a huge impact on anything in its path.
• Tsunami:  The ultimate wave. The wave is larger than life and consumes everything in its path.

Most humans are the insignificant wave. Their lives are just a blink of the eye, and then they are gone. There is nothing really that stands out about them. Then, there are those who seem to always be in turmoil. They are the swell. Following that are the the breakers. They make a light impact on the landscape. Think of a celebrity or semi-famous scientist or politician. The rogues are exactly what they sound like- they shake things up quite a bit, usually for the worse. Finally, there are the tsunamis. These are the world changers; Napoleon, Hitler, Washington, Caesar, Muhammad, Jesus, etc. Because of their world shaking status, you will see very few of these throughout history.

I am an insignificant wave. I won't lie to myself about this. Deep down, I want to be a tsunami. I REALLY want to be remembered long after I am dead and decayed. My highest desire has been to be remembered for whatever it may be. I want songs to be sung about me. I want people to aspire to be like me. I want history books to look upon my life fondly. I want statues and monuments. I want a famous actor to portray me.

Alas, I am just a wave in the sea. I more than likely will never make an impact. Yet, I am beginning to find solace in this fate. And this comes from another part of scripture that has had a big impact on my life. Psalm 103 has this to say:

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; 

For he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. 

The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field; 

The wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more. 

But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

If the whole wave thing doesn't make sense to you, then maybe grass is a better metaphor. Think about grass! It begins to grow in early Spring. By late Spring/early Summer it stops grown so much. Once Autumn hits, grass begins to die off. Soon, the days grows very short, the snows fall, and the grass is no more. The next year, new grass will grow in its place, and start the cycle all over again.

That is our life, isn't it? And many people despair at this thought, or simply refuse to think about it. I understand that. As I mentioned earlier, I hate the fact that I will die without much remembrance.  Yet, I am coming to peace with this.

Why?

Because the Lord has compassion on us. He knows how weak and frail we are. He sees our mortal beings, and He has compassion. It is not a simple pity. It is a deep feeling of sympathy caused by immense love. God sees our sorry state, knowing what we were intended to be, and He feels such compassion for us. And this loving compassion is not a temporary feeling, like that which we may feel upon passing by a homeless beggar asking for money. Instead, this is an everlasting love, for a person who temporarily lives upon this earth.

In this context, I have no problem being that wave in the sea. I have no problem with my temporary, mostly unimportant life. I know that my God remembers me, even if the world doesn't. I am His, and His loving compassion is upon me.

How could I ask for anything more?