I've had the desire to be artistic the last few days. I even went out to buy a pack of new pencils to help me find my hidden drawing skills. Sadly, this is not a God-given talent that I have, nor will I ever have. I think I have to give up on being an artist, and according to my wife, I also have to give up on my dream of being a singer. Ouch.
However, if I were an artist there would be a masterpiece that I would spend all my time on. This image is one burned in my deep into my mind, probably until my last breath upon this earth. Much like I can close my eyes and see my mother or my father, or even my darling girls, I close my eyes and this image explodes in my mind. This image is of the time I saw Jesus.
Well, I sort of saw Jesus. Not like face to face, in real time, but I did see him in a very special dream. I had this dream probably 10 years ago, but I feel it is just as relevant to me now as it was then.
In this dream, I was the commander of a military. I was riding on horseback, leading my troops away from the safety of our homes towards a very volatile location.We knew that we were riding into battle, but everyone was very confident in their skills, weapons, and armor. Above all, I believe they had confidence in me as a commander.
As we rode on, we began to encounter tall grass, which slowed down our movements and limited our sight. Eventually, we could not move on, before us was a barrier of grass/weeds, bamboo and trees. Behind us was the brightness of the daylight; before us lay a deep darkness. It was a darkness that could not be penetrated, but instead penetrated our hearts and minds, causing fear.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake and rumble. The sound of a multitude of evil was coming straight toward us. I gave orders to prepare ourselves for the incoming enemies, but as sudden as the sound began, it then ended. We awaited nervously for something to happen.
Out of the darkness, we then saw balls of red form up and come closer to us. The sound began again, and several people ran away in fear. Then, out of the darkness came spears thrown from the enemy. All around me, my troops were slain, and routing in defeating. I did the only logical thing to do and called for the retreat. The few of us remained ran and rode away as fast as we could, not looking back to see our attackers.
As we got further away from the scene of the battle, I looked up and saw what appeared to be a scene out of Lord of the Rings (I actually stopped here to go watch that scene. You should too). Ahead of me was an army far greater that I have ever seen, and they were charging my way. At the forefront was a man dressed in the whitest garments I have even seen, so much that the shone in sunlight. He rode upon a white horse, and held a double-edged sword. I could not make out his face, but I felt that I knew who he was.
The distance between us shrunk rapidly, and soon they were on top of us. At the last minute the man reached down his hand to me, and picked me up to ride with him. It was at this point that I saw his face. My own words cannot describe what I saw, but I feel that the 1st chapter of Revelation has a good description.
"The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire...and his face was like the sun shining in full strength."
It was the most spectacular scene in my life, dreaming or reality. It felt as if time stopped, for me to catch that glimpse of him. To have my eyes meet his eyes.
Even though my eyes have seen so many different human representations of Jesus, this didn't look like any of them, but I knew it was him. I knew this was the same Jesus that spoke shocking truths in temples, healed the sick, and rose from the dead.
After that moment of seeing his face, I was on his horse with him riding back into the battle. He told me "Do not be afraid, for this battle is already finished and I have already won".
The next thing I know is that we rode straight into the evil creatures, and they were instantly vanquished. And I remember seeing them, and they were not as I originally imagined. They were very short, ugly, and fat creatures; more comical than diabolical. But I never knew that, as I let fear get hold of me and I ran away.
That was the only time I saw Jesus' face in the dream. The rest of the dream is a little bit blurry to me, but I remember he said something else, and I went to another location.
This dream came to me at a critical time in my life. I had recently became serious about following after Jesus, and had a serious of bad things happen in my personal life. Top that off with my lackluster college performance and a bout of depression, and I wasn't in a good place. It would have been easy to give up on life, and I wanted to. Yet, God gave me this dream of hope to see me through those dark times.
I believe this dream was meant to speak to me then, and it is meant to speak to me now, as well as in the future. The past 12 months have been among my darkest in this life. I have been tried as I never have before. Some of it has been brought on by myself, but much of it is out of my hands. With so much going on, it would be easy to slip back into that mindset of giving up and running away. How I want to some days!
Yet, I know that my God has already won my battles and defeated my enemies. I know that I am secured with him riding before me. On my own, I might fail myself and others, but Jesus redeems me and uses my failures for his glory and turns them into his victories. And he shares those victories with me.
He says "Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades"
Seeing Jesus was one of the most amazing moments of my life. But it was only that time. I doubt I will see him again until I pass or he returns to this earth. But, I know that everyday I can still experience his presence, hear his words, model his life, and live life free of fear and guilt.
How great it is to be found in Him, and to be loved by Him!
